TCU Rescinds Henson’s Degree

Posted by KilgoreTroutIII

BREAKING NEWS: TCU has rescinded the degree previously presented to Robert Henson, former All-MWC linebacker now on the Washington Redskins roster. The university cited Mr. Henson’s series of 52 Twitter postings following the Redskins’ “game” against the Rams Sunday as reported in this front page story in the Washington Post.

“TCU has been embarrassed too much by Mr. Henson’s behavior,” said Associate Chancellor Ben Downtoolong. “We can understand a lack of forethought by his tweeting disrespectfully to the fans who indirectly pay his salary — a salary which is already in excess of anyone on the TCU staff with the exception of the volleyball coach and all other coaches in our athletic department.

“And we understand that today’s youth can’t be expected to use proper English when tweeting and texting and talking and thinking. But when they shun punctuation especially the proper use of commas, to the point of reversing the meaning of their intended thoughts, that’s too much. Take this tweet from Mr. Henson:

“All you fake half hearted Skins fan can . . . I won’t go there, but I dislike you very strongly, don’t come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!!”

“There should be a comma after ‘fake,’ a hyphen in ‘half hearted,’ an apostrophe before the S in ‘Skins,’  a period after ‘strongly,’ and the ‘d’ in ‘don’t’ should be capitalized. All of which can be excused in a tweet, because the meaning is still clear. But he also forgot to place a comma between ‘boo’ and ‘dim wits!!’ So, instead of calling the booing fans ‘dim wits,’ he unwittingly calls his teammates and himself ‘dim wits.’ And that is inexcusable.

“TCU, therefore, has withdrawn all of his credits in English,” Downtoolong said. “His philosophy credits have also been rescinded because he clearly didn’t learn anything about ethics and honesty, as evidenced in his repeated attempts to make people believe that his apology was sincere.

“And it goes without saying (but I’m saying it anyway aren’t I?) that his credits in public relations classes clearly were unearned, and must be withdrawn as well.

“While we appreciate Mr. Henson’s prowess on the football field and all he did for the TCU Horned Frogs, we now prefer to have the world think that we cheated and allowed him to graduate without the proper credits rather than let you think that our professors are so inadequate.”

For further developments, please see:

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